I have always had a very tumultuous relationship with friendships. My over-indulgence in TV shows and movies growing up meant I really desired having a big group of friends I did everything with. However, life didn’t really pan out that way. I was more of a wanderer- friends with everyone, close to no-one. Although I wasn’t completely happy with that, I it for what is was and held on to the hope that one day I would find the sisterhood I so desperately desired. It didn’t happen. Hold on, that was abrupt. It didn’t happen as I envisioned it. I think it’s still in its formulative stages. All in all, it’s being left in God’s hands because I don’t know what’s going on.
Ok moving forward...
It’s a very difficult thing to navigate friendships and your feelings towards them when you are friendly and have friends. That’s a big reason I didn’t want to explore this topic for fear that my friends will look at this as a burn book towards them, but no I still love ya’ll. And that’s what makes things interesting because over the years I have had friends and seen others stress the importance of loving your own company and having little expectation of people to avoid disappointment. I pondered this life mantra for a while, pleading with myself to adopt it. However, I had to be honest with myself and say I love people and being around them, that’s how God made me. I’m extroverted, and I love conversation, companionship and community. I love people. However, when the love you have for others is not reciprocated, or when people don’t treat you as you expect, when you don’t feel like a priority, being friendly and loving seems more like a burden than an asset.
Biblically there is a lot of talk about friendship one of my favourite scriptures is ‘But there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother’ (Proverbs 18:24). This scripture is one I find so beautiful and it epitomises the value I place on friendships and it has increasingly become the standard to which I hold current and potential friends. However, as time passes, I begin to wonder: as a Christian how do you navigate the feelings of having friends who feel more like distant cousins than brothers?
A conversation I had with my mum recently made me realise that most friendships are seasonal. Notice the bible says ‘there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother’ not 5 friends, not 10, not 20, a friend. Now, I don’t know if that means a singular friend, but I believe it implies that only some people will stick closer to you than a brother. That deep connection and loyalty is only reserved for the few. That can be a hard pill to swallow when you feel like you don’t have that one person or few people that genuinely care about you. And it can become even more complex when that love and care doesn’t come in the form that you envisioned.
I have had challenging and extremely wonderful experiences with friendships over this past year. All of which have culminated to make me think about the role friendship plays in my life. I find myself wondering if I have unrealistic expectations of people and of friendships. I question whether I desire too much from friendships and if perhaps I have made them an idol in my life. These are all things I want to explore in my personal life (and give further insight about on this blog).
With that being said, I really value friendship and believe it to be one of the most important things in life. A big prayer of mine when I first entered University was that God would make me a good friend, give me good friends and give me divine connections. God answered those prayers in my life, in unexpected ways, which I am eternally grateful for. However, in the lonely moments, in the moments when people are airing your messages, no one is sending you silly tweets and memes and you haven’t heard your phone ring in days, you start to question yourself and those around you.
I have been in that space recently and it makes me wonder; maybe I’m not built for long-lasting friendships, maybe I’m not that great of a friend myself, maybe I just expect far too much. The maybes are all a product of my tendency to overthink. However, they highlight a truth that I’m proud to have learnt; relationships, connection and community are important.
2018 has showed me that the true essence of life, the real seasoning that makes life flavourful is relationship. At times relationships have been built organically in other moments I have tried to create them artificially, but all in all, it has and continues to be a learning experiencing.
I am embracing becoming a student when it comes to navigating relationships with others and becoming intentional about not building resentment when expectations go unmet. And also slowly learning to be grateful for those who are in my life and those who have been in my life.
I will be exploring this topic further, any questions, comments, or even advice- drop a comment below.
P.S. To all my friends, thank you all for being you x
Stay Blessed and Beautiful
Side note: I noticed that there is a bit of a difference in the varied versions of the Bible. I am using NLT- in the photo above the KJV version says "A man that hath friends much shew himself friendly. And there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother" Proverbs 18:24. I will explore why there is a difference between the different versions.