The very first post I wrote for this blog was titled 'Sexiness and Christian womanhood'. I was at a point where I was thinking a lot about body image, womanhood and the impacts beauty standards have on self-perception. In recent times I find myself pondering on the same topic and decided to come through with a little transparency about those themes.
Before starting University, I never cared much about my body type, or image in general. I went to secondary school with many girls who looked nothing like me, so they were never a point of comparison. Additionally, I possess a figure that some may consider a standard of beauty, in that I am slim, so I was never bullied about my image. Growing up, people would talk about my slimness, some saying how they wished they were skinny like me, others suggesting that I needed to put on some weight. I was even nicknamed ‘lepa shandy’ (skinny girl) by Nigerian Aunties and Uncles because of my figure. My figure was simply my figure, I didn’t care much about it, I appreciated girls of all different sizes and thought I looked fine.
It wasn’t until getting to University that my awareness of my looks increased ten-fold. My experience going to an all girls’ secondary school, and a predominantly female sixth form meant that the male-gaze was not something I really cared about. However, when I got to University, I experienced a very gradual awakening about what it meant to be societies standard of attractive and in turn, be desirable.
Coupled with my avid use of social media, University and the world of Twitter was teaching me what constitutes a beautiful woman. The more I listened to conversations and scrolled through social media, the more I felt I did not measure up. The seeds of insecurity had begun to be sown but they were subtle, almost unrecognisable.
However, one moment at University struck me and made me realise that the seeds of insecurity, unbeknown to me, had grown. One evening I sat at a big gathering of guys and girls in my year group and as the music played, and food and drinks flowed, what was supposed to be a staple of the University experience soon turned into an unbearable night. As the night went on, I watched girls walk in wearing different outfits, donning varied hairstyles and oozing with personality. I sat pensive but as time went on it felt like all my insecurities were literally crawling all over me. Despite my efforts to look cute and my plan to enjoy the night, I felt uncomfortable in my skin. I found my corner and sat in silence and in that moment, I felt very small.
Conversations with friends over the years have made me realise that many young women have had that poignant moment where they felt small because of their appearance. Whether it is being compared to a so-called prettier friend, being told that they have a nice body without the face to match or constantly feeling overlooked, there can be a lot of negative emotions attached to thinking about appearance.
A lot of the time I feel as Christian women there is an underlying feeling that to speak about beauty and body-image is to focus on vanity. However, loving and appreciating what you look like physically is so important. God has called us to live an abundant life, not one where we are timid and ashamed, letting insecurities cripple us. That moment where I sat in silence at the party, I was shocked that a build-up of subtle insecurities bullied me into submission.
Maybe negative words have been said about your appearance or perhaps like me, existing beauty standards made you start doubting your own beauty. Whatever it is, it’s time for you to look in the mirror and appreciate the beautiful woman looking back at you.
I am at a place where I am taking active steps to really embrace all elements of my appearance. From my slim frame, to my youthful face, I am realising that all these things God saw fit to manifest a facet of His beauty. I was made in the image and likeness of God!
Due to very subtle insecurities about my appearance I have held back when I should have been bold and have doubted my value in certain spaces. Little voices have told me I won’t be heard because I don’t possess a certain look. However, as we enter a new year, I refuse to let these voices hold me back. As women in this age it can feel like a lot of our inherent value is placed in our outer appearance. However, it is key to remember as much as we strive to love our appearance, we should be grounded in the truth that “man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7)
From a practical point, I have started some practices to help me appreciate my beauty and I hope they can help you too. I try to think of three things I like about my body and focus on them. I follow girls on Instagram who have my body type, dress modestly and look cute and I try to take that as inspiration for my own looks. I also remind myself that no one looks like me and there are so many cute things about me that I don’t even realise because I’m not looking at myself 24/7.
All in all, I try to remember that loving myself is one of the best gifts I can give to myself and others. Appreciating my light, helps me to hone it, shine it brighter and encourage others to do the same and that’s the most important thing.
Stay blessed and beautiful
Prayer to repeat:
In Jesus Name thank you that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, thank you that when you made me you didn't make any mistakes rather I reflect the beauty of who you are. Please help me to see my beauty, appreciate my beauty and be grounded in the truth that you look at my heart and not my outward appearance. Please let me constantly work on my heart to be the woman you want me to be, and love the person looking back at me in the mirror. Thank you Lord. In Jesus' Name Amen.