Women are continuously sexualised in the media and the impact that has on self-perception is seldom spoken about. Being part of the social media age, I am an avid consumer of all things Twitter, Instagram and Snapchat. This means that I am constantly bombarded with images of women, all sizes, shapes and colours. However, I have come to realize that the sexualized images of women that have become commonplace on my social media feeds have begun to impact my self-perception.
Often time people speak about how seeing sexualised images of women impacts guys right? However, could we be overlooking how these images also impact the self-perception of women?
My story...
20 seems like a strange age to start feeling uncomfortable with your body, right? I mean, that feeling of awkwardness and discomfort is reserved for your early teenage years, at least that’s what I thought. Now at age 20 I find myself scrolling through social media, seeing an array of images of women’s bodies and faces and feeling acutely aware of my own. Once a person who hardly scrutinised her physical appearance, I now realise my curves, or lack therefore and I wonder why the fat from the chocolate I eat everyday never distributes itself to the ‘right’ places. I see these images of women and wonder why I don’t also have a desirable body.
However, as a Christian woman I have begun to ask myself a few questions. What does having a desirable body mean? Who do I want to be desired by? And is this a problem?
What does having a desirable body mean?
A desirable body, for the purposes of this body of work is an ideal body type that is praised by society at large, and often presented as a standard of beauty. History shows that ideal body types for women are constantly changing with ideals differing between cultures. A 2018 CNN report said “thousands of years ago, sculptures and artworks portrayed curvaceous, thickset silhouettes. More recently, in the late 20th century, thin, waif-like models filled the pages of fashion magazines. Now, shapely backsides are celebrated with “likes” on social media”. Considering this, and from observation, a curvaceous, heavily endowed woman is now the standard of beauty and therefore the one is possession of an ideal body. Is this a bad thing? Not necessarily. However, the sexualisation of one body type means the demonization of others. Equally the sexualisation of one body type means the sexualisation and objectification of those who possess it. And this is where the problem lies.
As women who should ultimately be getting our satisfaction from the love Christ has for us and the unique attributes and skills we have been blessed with, a fixation on having or not having a desirable body can blind us from what truly matters. What truly matters? A relationship with Christ and an awareness of who you are in Christ.
Now, this is something we may hear a lot in women’s conferences or at youth church so the truth of it can be lost. In a world where we’re constantly being pushed to match what is considered desirable it can be difficult to fix our eyes on what matters. This is where we must ask ourselves the next question- who am I looking to be desired by?
Who do I want to be desired by?
I believe that it is human nature to want to be liked. Additionally, I believe that as women we are socialised to link our worth to our physical appearance. Although some of us can skirt around this trap, it often snags at the hem of our self-perception; the idea that your appearance determines your worth. This is one of the biggest lies of the enemy. Considering this, when looking at the question ‘who am I looking to be desired by?’, the answer is simple, people. Whether it is wanting compliments on social media, that second look when you walk past a guy, people sliding into your dms or even the buzz of knowing that you possess something others want, it is easy to fall into the trap of linking our worth with our appearance and sex appeal.
Is this a problem?
‘The verb "to desire" in the Scriptures usually means "to long for," "to ask for," "to demand," and may be used in a good or bad sense’. When speaking about a desirable body or appearance it often falls into the category of a body that people ‘covet’ or ‘lust after’- this is desire in a negative form. This can be seen in Exodus 20:17, Deuteronomy 5:21, 7:25; Joshua 7:21 and Micah 2:2. To covet is to desire something ‘without due regard for the rights of others’. To lust after is to have an ‘uncontrolled or illicit sexual desire or appetite’. Considering this we should not want to be lusted after. Our sole aim of possessing a certain physical appearance should not be so people view us as sexy and want to lust after us.
That’s not to say that if you have a desirable appearance by societal standards there is something wrong with you, that’s your body; love it and take care of it. However, it is important to check motives, to be self-aware and to analyse the conditions of our hearts and ask ourselves whether we want to be lusted after as opposed to being healthy and happy.
That’s what I had to begin to ask myself when I caught myself feeling uncomfortable with my body. Is it that I want to be sexualized, is that what I desired? It’s an awkward question to ask yourself but it’s important.
A conclusion…
It can be difficult to separate the way the world treats women, from the beautiful children of God that we are called to be. It is difficult at times, to love your appearance when it does not adhere to a standard of beauty. It could be difficult to see yourself beyond your appearance when it does match standards of beauty. However, it is so important to be very self-aware and ask yourself; this body type that I am aiming for or that I compare myself to; is it for my own health and wellbeing or is it because I want to be desired?
A take away…
Linking your worth to how you match up to beauty standards is forgetting that your worth comes ultimately from Christ. And although that may sound cliché, it is a truth that must be embraced to be freed from the shackles of obsession with physical appearance.
My favourite scriptures to remember when I’m feeling a bit insecure are:
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:14
You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb. Psalm 139:13
Practical things:
You know the things that you are good at? The things that come naturally to you, the skills and personality that people find useful and helpful- THINK ABOUT THEM.
Serve!!! Service to other combats fixation on yourself- this is something that I want to do more of and I will document that experience for you all.
We’re all on this journey together, share your thoughts, feelings and experiences with me by commenting below, tweeting your thoughts or sending me a dm or personal message on Twitter or Instagram. Also check out this piece I read that has heavily contributed to my feelings about sexiness, body image and Christian womanhood https://biblicalwoman.com/is-sexy-a-sin/
Stay blessed and beautiful.