I haven’t blogged for a while about three months to be exact. When starting out the year I planned to be consistent and write more than I ever had before for my blog. However, as the year progressed my plans didn’t take form as I had imagined they would. I experienced problems with technology, the ups and downs of life studying abroad and eventually adjusting to being back home and started my final year of University. While all this was happening, my blog remained largely untouched. I found myself surprisingly calm about this, operating with the knowledge that sometimes taking a break is necessary.
If I am to describe the past year I would say it has been a huge roller coaster of emotions. Exactly this time last year I had spent about two months studying abroad in the United States. I remember the feelings of loneliness that crept up on me during the first semester of my year abroad. How I would find myself feeling so out of my depth, missing the familiar space of my home University. As someone who is very open to change, the fact that I was struggling to embrace the change that was occurring in my life at the time was very challenging. I thought about the friendships that were dwindling because of distance and the opportunities I was missing out on in the UK, all while being deeply irritated at myself for not feeling a sense of gratitude and joy at being blessed to be studying abroad. I was acutely aware at how I was ‘supposed’ to feel and upset that how I really felt didn’t match. When people would gush about how much fun it looked like I was having I felt compelled to be honest but also knew that spiels about how much I was missing home was not what they wanted, or expected, to hear.
As time progressed, I adapted, became more intentional about making effort to integrate myself abroad but I still felt sad. I think one thing we don’t realise is that even though you are away from family and friends, life is still happening. The ups and downs that happen while you’re in your home environment continue to happen but this time you have a time difference and distance, which can be difficult. However, after going back to the UK for Christmas, I was so determined to return to the US with a lot more optimism and have a fresh start.
My second semester took a surprising turn. I met so many wonderful people that I didn’t even see in the first semester, I got to go to New York, started a podcast and made some amazing friends. I learnt to make myself happy, taking myself on trips to get my nails done and buying myself goodies from Target. However, I also learnt an invaluable lesson which was to embrace companionship. I no longer uphold the belief system that only you can make yourself happy. Yes, we are responsible for our happiness but there is a freedom in embracing the truth that community can and does add to your happiness.
While I was on my year abroad, I learnt that I can’t always be in control. I love order and strategy when it comes to my life, I make lists and dream big and for a very long time the help and the advice of others was only sought in doses. I operated under a belief system that I solely would write my story and anything and anyone else would be a cute addition. However, when I was crying about things going wrong or feeling a bit bored and restless it was the people in my new environment, and family and friends from home that I had to lean on to. I couldn’t plan my way to happiness or peace, I had to pray a lot and appreciate what I had in front of me.
It wasn’t an easy process but one gift of my year abroad is the mentality that you should be easy on yourself and live in the moment. You don’t have to always be in control. I think at times when you’re used to getting let down or your expectations seldom match your reality you want to curate your life, but you can’t. Let go and let God.
I spent a lot of my time getting so anxious about how my expectation didn’t meet my reality and all the tasks awaiting me when I returned to the UK that I didn’t always take time to appreciate what was in front of me. I don’t regret this instead I see my year abroad as a time where I realised that certain mindsets that I have adopted are destructive for my mental health and my overall outlook on life.
People often speak about their year abroad being the best time of their life, I wouldn’t say that because I did at times find it very difficult. However, the growth that occurred in that short span of time is something I would never trade. I hope if you are currently experiencing, or ever find yourself in a situation foreign to you, you learn to embrace the moment, focus on the now and let every up and down help build you into the best version of yourself.
YOU GOT THIS BECAUSE GOD HAS GOT YOU!
A prayer to say for yourself, or for your friends who are studying abroad: In Jesus Name, Lord God I pray that at this time where I feel out of my depth, where I'm finding it hard to find peace and rest in this new environment I pray that you help me to appreciate all the lessons I'm learning and the character building experiences I'm having. Please help me to have joy in the good and hard times, and ultimately enjoy this new experience and bring glory to your name. In Jesus Name, Amen.
Stay blessed and beautiful x