An ode to the youth I never had...

Growing up I was obsessed with coming of age movies; you know the type where the character is weird and has all these life changing moments; having their first kiss, losing their virginity, getting into University, breaking up and making up with friends and ultimately finding themselves- I LOVED THAT. I have watched several films with these narratives and till this day I have a soft spot for them. In some ways my avid consumption of these films was just a transportation into a world that was wildly different from my own. However, truth be told these films were a direct visualization of what I wanted my life to be like. I wanted to have the typical teen story that was sold to me in movies. I wanted my life to be full of experiences that I was ‘supposed’ to have; coming of age moments that would define my adolescence. Watching these movies transported me to a world that was so close but distant. I was always the Christian girl who hardly did anything wrong in the eyes of those around me, but I longed for the life that I saw in movies. Now, at 20 I think about my teenage years with some bitterness, nostalgia but also gratefulness. I didn’t have a life of coming of age movies but I’m coming to peace with it and embracing my story.

I have been writing since I could write; whether it was poems, stories or diary entries written word has always been a form of escapism and comfort for me. Late into my teenage years I started to write a lot more especially when I was sad or felt lonely and confused. When my peers in school and church were experiencing their ‘firsts’, making mistakes and having all the typical teen experiences I was in my living room, by myself, writing. I reflect on my teen years and feel a sense of sadness at times. Thoughts about how I don’t have wild stories to tell my kids or a testimony to give at church made me feel bland and boring and left me wondering if I should have rebelled a little bit.

If you have ever felt like this, you know how much of a struggle navigating these feelings can be. On one hand you feel good that you were isolated from situations and experiences that could negatively impact you and your relationship with God. On the other hand, you see people who indulged in all the things you actively separated yourself from, or perhaps were not allowed to be involved in, and wish you could have done the same (even if it was just a bit). I often found myself wondering what it would be like to get attention or behave mindlessly at a party or have my own transformation from ugly duckling to Insta baddie. These were all thoughts, musings, imaginations that told me that the grass may be greener on the other side and I wondered how wonderful it would be to tip toe on that grass, occasionally just for the experience.

However, now at 20 I can begin to look at my teen years with a bit of hindsight and wisdom. My experiences, although not the stuff of movies, have made me into the woman that I am today. Spending a lot of time by myself made me a very self-aware person, who goes for what she wants irrespective of trends or opinions. My years of being in my head and transcribing all my thoughts and feelings means I am very good at expressing myself and understanding others because I have a good understanding of myself. Writing a lot as a form of escapism has given me an invaluable skill that has opened a lot of doors for me. Now, these are just a few things that have benefited me from my ‘bland and boring’ teenage years and when I think about them I feel a sense of peace and acceptance.

If you have ever felt like a bit of an alien, weirdo, outcast or just different because your teenage experiences were not the stuff of coming of age movies, I want to tell you that I feel you. Despite being very extroverted and confident I struggled to accept my reality, often wishing that I was living a life that I saw others live. My parents were strict, and I was also acutely aware that I had a big purpose, so I did not engage in a lot of things that my peers did and for some time that made me sad. For some time I longed for a day where I would do something to rebel and have my coming of age moment, but now I don’t feel that way.

I can tell you that ‘oh the grass is never greener on the other side’ and all that cute stuff but I won’t. What I will tell you is this; accept your past, embrace your present and create your future. Your life does not have to be the stuff of coming of age movies to make your experiences as a young person valid or interesting. It’s ok if you have never been a relationship, got drunk, got high, had a solid group of friends since you’ve been in nappies, gone on a girls/lads holiday. That is all ok. Your life is uniquely and beautifully yours and has been curated in such a way that will benefit yourself and others in the future. I think of David in the Bible and how before he fought Goliath he had fought a lion and a bear. In David’s place of isolation God was preparing him for something greater. You can relate this to yourself, maybe the isolation you felt as a teen and the activities you engaged in instead of chasing so called typical teen experiences is for something greater? Think about that.

If you’re about to start University and you are tempted to use this time to make up for what you feel you didn’t have in secondary/high school I urge you to pause. University is a time of intense growth and you can either take steps forward or backward. Indulging in activities that won’t edify you, being obsessed with boys, girls, attention, drinking, partying, presenting yourself as perfect won’t get you anywhere. Use your time wisely, productively, invest in your future and enjoy every moment in a way that is edifying and will help you be a better version of yourself.

I am coming to peace with my past and drawing from the positives and learning to find what I enjoy and learning how to enjoy being with others and finding like minded people. It’s a journey and a process but to get the best out of it I need to accept my past, embrace my present and create my future and I urge you to do the same.

We’re all on this journey together, share your thoughts, feelings and experiences with me by commenting below, tweeting your thoughts or sending me a dm or personal message on Twitter or Instagram.

Stay blessed and beautiful. #itunuspeaks