Break free from comparison

Last week I stayed trued to the mission of this ministry which is transformation through transparency and I wrote about coming to peace with my 'not so eventful' teenage years and how it has shaped the woman I am, and the woman I'm becoming. Today I am writing something that is more descriptive than prescriptive, and it is about comparison. Comparison is a topic that I have been open about before, and it is something that I struggle with. However, I am now in somewhat a period of isolation in my life, meaning that it is a great time for me to start deconstructing what comparison is, areas in my life where it is most prominent and how to overcome it. I will come be covering this topic at different times over the course of the next year so keep your eyes peeled.

I started a devotional about comparison yesterday*and one thing that struck me is when it said ‘we compare because we are searching for a sense of security outside of ourselves. Whether we know it or not we are constantly searching for where we fall in the hierarchy of life. We want to know our place in life, where we fall and how we measure up to others because we lack a sense of security that should come from within’. Now, isn’t that powerful. Comparison is constantly looking over your shoulder, it’s always being discontent with where you are, what you’re doing and who you are. And at times we mask these destructive mindsets as evidence of wanting to improve but comparison is merely a side effect of an insatiable desire to be the best, with an emphasis on being better than everyone else rather than the best we can be. Comparison can be birthed out of having a competitive nature one that can seek to always do one up on those around us, so we can be worthy of praise, attention or accolades.

Comparison is a word that is thrown around a lot and so in some ways it loses its meaning but when I think deeply about it I grow discontent with how prominent it is in my life. Comparison is a tool of the enemy to stop you from growing in all areas of your life. From comparing how you look, to comparing your relationship with God to that of others, comparison always leaves you feeling like you are not, and will never be, enough. And it is those feelings of inadequacy that the devil plays around with to destroy your friendships, relationships, self-perception and your relationship with God.

How can you love your friends if you always want to be better than them? How can you receive from people who want to teach you when you are constantly scrutinising them on a scale you have created? How can you connect with God when your main concern is matching up to what you see others doing as opposed to building an intimate, personal connection with Him?

One antidote to comparison is learning how to mind your business. A definition of mind is ‘to attend closely’. I’m guessing that’s where we get the word minder from. It is important that we ‘attend closely’ to our business, that we spend time reflecting on who we are and who we want to be. It’s important that we become introspective and see what elements of our thought patterns, habits and desires are helpful and not so helpful to our growth. Minding your business is biblical ‘pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare to anyone else’ Galatians 6:4. ‘Careful attention’ that’s the energy you must put into your own work, your own life, your own goals and relationships. Not your friends, your favourite celebrity or Christian that you follow on social media- you need to pay careful attention to yourself.

So, that’s what I’m trying to adopt, being very intentional about focusing my energy on myself, my relationships, my studies, goals etc. I am going to be very intentional about being present in every moment and having a heart of gratitude, appreciating that I am constantly learning and growing. As with unlearning any destructive habit, learning not to compare, treating myself and others with grace and adopting a growth mindset will take time but I will take heed to the word that says ‘pay careful attention to your own work’ to get the ‘satisfaction of a job well done’.

*Break free from comparison: A 7 day devotional by Anna Light

We’re all on this journey together, share your thoughts, feelings and experiences with me by commenting below, tweeting your thoughts or sending me a dm or personal message on Twitter or Instagram.

Stay blessed and beautiful. #itunuspeaks